Huge Downer Post #1

I haven't felt this down in quite awhile. I'm 99% sure it's PMS since I ate an entire bag of Moose Munch but you never know with me. I eat whipped cream for dinner 3 days a week.

I've never dealt well with stress and this week, month, LIFE has been pretty stressful. I have a seriously sick brother, a family struggling with a recession, friends who either don't find me important enough or won't say things to my face, I lack the 'healthy relationship' gene and have zero direction. Somehow with all this I know I am pretty well adjusted. Somehow with all this I know I am still a sunny, fun, confident girl. But it doesn't make anything change. It never has.

I've tried different ways of thinking. Of just believing life happens the way it's supposed to. Being completely proactive in making things happen. Having a positive attitude in all situations. Just being.

All of these different mottos and slogans never produced results. I have moved nowhere. And if there has been any movement it's been laterally. Who wants to live their lives moving to the next mundane situation with themselves?

This will get better or I'll make it better. That's a goddamned threat.