So in the last hour of my 24ness I have done something totally out of character and decided to watch myself on a DVD, listen to an album that completely entangled my entire childhood in a web of a golden secret and spit me out into this adult who mourns the girl on the television. She knew what she wanted and went out and got it - even if it was just a silly band and a silly dream. She really believed in the words and she believed in the relationships that cultivated out of it all. The bottom line was that there was something to believe in that made the next day worth living because there was always a new show or album. And it sufficed for all those years. It shaped everything about me and in this next stage of life I have had to relearn all of my coping mechanisms, how to deal with people and what to expect in a day. This sounds silly to most people because they didn't live in the specific subculture I did. I don't expect you to understand.
Whatever the reason was that I watched that DVD and went back to that place - it made me realize that I have relearned all those things. Finally. Granted, I still will randomly panic when someone posts about tour dates because I forget I don't have to buy them. It's funny actually. But all in all I have become an actual human who lives in reality. With the rest of you. And I think for a long time I was a little bit mad at myself for giving that girl up because she really was fun. And it's been a couple of years since I've really been that girl and it's been long enough where I can honestly say I'm ready to let go of that reckless, beautiful time and start a whole new time. I don't have to forget her. She can come with me.
It's time now to find something in the real world to be passionate about and to give my all to. Something I can quantify. I'm ready. Bring it on. Congratulations, you're 25. Shit.
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